AXIOM!

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

We dated for a period. Veronica Vilepaw can be a warm, passionate, wonderful partner, but she has trust issues

[Derp_looks_like_a_Lady]

Her sister Velma is pretty wild, though.

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

Welcome to all our new members!

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

WHAX


It’s 6 am in the morning in Glenfort, and two radio DJs are about to start their morning show.

Smokes: Goooooooooooooooooooooooood Morning Glenfort! It’s Dingo and the Nut here at
WHAX and it’s time to start the day! (Sound Effects, a Dingo howling and a wacky person.)
Greg: That’s right smokey my boy! We got all sorts of fun here planned today! We got an interview with Vilepaw, some phony phone calls, and as always, the best comedy you can get anywhere this side of the portal to the Vile Realm. Now bend over, it’s time to get some WHAX! (Sound Effect of a paddle whacking a booty)

Smokes: Oh yes Greg! It will be time to throw some shrimp on the Barbie, eh mate? And play that Didgeridoo! We will be right back after this quick commercial break from Majero. Majero…hey, I’m the only store in town!

WHAX goes to commercial

Greg: Listen Smokes, I understand I’m from Australia and all, but there’s more to me than that. I have hopes and dreams, and feelings like anyone else. I’m not some stereotype Aussie buffoon mate!
Smokes: I’m sorry Greg, I didn’t mean anything by it, I’ll try to be more sensitive to your feelings.
Greg: It’s ok Smokes, forget about it. Now I’m gonna lean back in this chair and eat my lunch. A nice big Bloomin Onion!

Greg leans back in his chair too far and tips over. Both him and the chair go flying, along with the contents of all the drawers of his DJ desk. A duck billed platypus, a koala, and what appears to be a dingo pup run out. They all chase after the flying blooming onion and a small jar of vegemite that appeared from somewhere. A boomerang goes flying out of one of the other desk drawers, does a loop around the room and hits Greg. A didgeridoo goes rolling across the floor making its distinctive sound. An old cassette player skids across the floor and hits the didgeridoo, pressing the play button. “Down Under” by Men at Work begins playing.

Greg: Krikey! I done fall on me bum
Smokes: Greg! Are you ok?!
Greg: She’ll be apples mate, no need to call the ambo or throw a wobbly. I almost had a chunder there! That was a bonzer fall it was! Although I think my desk is cactus, it always was crook. Now let me have a Captain Cook at my chair! It saved my clacker! That boomerang just missed my Old Fella! That was a real rip snorter of a fall!

Smokes stares blankly at Greg

Greg: I mean…uhhhh…..Everything’s ok dude!
Smokes: Oh ok cool!

Just then Gremlin, the GM of the radio station busts into the room.

Gremlin: Hey guys, listen. The latest ratings just came out and you guys are lower than whale poop. You need to get more people listening or you’re fired! I want to see you guys come up with some new stuff! Now, speaking of new stuff, let me introduce you guys to our just hired afternoon DJ, Shifty!! He’s gonna have his own program right after you guys sign off. I feel he’s gonna get us some big ratings!!!

Shifty walks into the room. Smokes sees him and turns pale.

Shifty: Hey there Smokes, looks like we’re gonna be working together again! Should be fun! Maybe after work sometime we can…hang out…play some soccer? Ha! Well, I’ll leave you guys to your important comedy stuff…let me just walk out of here now…just one foot in front of the other…..

Shifty does a very fancy and quite frankly stunning walk out of the room with Gremlin. The door slams behind them.

Greg: Hey Smokes, what’s wrong? Do you know that guy?
Smokes: Yes…that’s Shifty. We used to work together…
Greg: Uh oh, you don’t look happy about it, what happened?

Smokes looks off into the distance and sighs

Smokes: Seems like another life…but…years ago I was a foot model.
Greg: Foot model?!
Smokes: I have extremely attractive feet. Used to be the best in the world. I was discovered early and got all the best magazine ads. Nike sandals, Reebok flip flops, podiatrist ads. If you needed a hot foot to get your product noticed, I was your man. Well, Shifty was the number two foot guy, and he was jealous. He had a nervous habit of shifting from one foot to the other while he was waiting to be photographed, hence the nickname. Well, one day I landed a huge account. The world cup of soccer was going on, and the maker of the soccer balls wanted the best. Me. It was a simple shoot. All I had to do was kick a soccer ball wearing the new Nike Platinum Extreme Soccer Sneakers. It was a big deal, and all the other foot models were so happy for me. All of them, except for…
Greg: Shifty!
Smokes: Shifty. He was so mad…so consumed with jealousy…well….he went to the stadium the night before the shoot…with a bag of concrete…..and evil intentions…
Greg: Concrete?! Oh no Smokes what did he….
Smokes: He mixed up some concrete…and he filled that soccer ball with it, and let it dry overnight…..
The next day I was supposed to kick that soccer ball with all my might….
Greg: Oh….oh God Smokes! What….what happened?!

Smokes very slowly and sadly takes off his shoe and sock on his right foot. Smokes’ foot is gorgeous, absolutely perfect….except for a long, white, jagged scar!

Smokes: My foot was shattered…the Doctors said I would be lucky to walk again. I spent months in foot rehabilitation. My modeling career ended that day….and Shifty’s turn as the number one foot model began….He just retired recently…I guess he heard I retired from being a private detective and got this job here…I assume he wants to beat me again.
Gregs: Smokes….Krikey…we can’t let him win again! We need to stop him!
Smokes: I agree…but how…if only we could sabotage him first somehow, I just know he’s going to try something…

Just then, the dingo pup runs by, still chasing after the platypus. They sure cause a lot of chaos…

Greg: Smokes…those animals…are you thinking what I’m thinking?!
Smokes: Yeah man, I’m starving! A nice big bacon burger would…
Greg: No…no I mean…what if Mr. Shifty had a bit of the trouble we had this morning, but… while on the air?
Smokes: Oh but that would ruin his show….ah!!!!

Greg and Smokes laugh evilly and begin plotting the end of their rival! They get into work early the next day and set up a special surprise for the new afternoon DJ. The next day, at the close of their show, they welcome the newest member of the station…

Greg: All right Smokes, that sure was a blast today! Now, stand tuned listeners for “Shifting Gears” with Shifty, the newest member of WHAX!
Smokes: Yes…please welcome the……*swallows hard* very talented Shifty…

Shifty walks into the room as a very giddy Greg and Smokes walk out. Shifty sits down in his chair and begins his program. He’s slow at first, and then begins to speed up as he gets more comfortable. Greg and Smokes are downstairs in their offices, listening to the program. Smokes is holding a controller with a big red button. He waits for the right moment, and just when Shifty is in the middle of a big rant about something he pushes it!

Shifty: So what’s the deal with Nutella anyway, overrated if you ask me! Give me some good old peanut butter any day! Why I...

Suddenly, Shifty’s desk drawers pop open! A small Dingo pup runs out! A boomerang goes flying out of another drawer of the sabotaged desk! It flies around the room and hits Shifty in the head! He starts cussing and screaming and making cries of pain.

Shifty: OW!!! Help! I’m being bitten by a dingo pup! Now a boomberang hit my head! Ahhh now a platypuss is after me! Oh sweet baby Jesus help!

Sounds of crashing and chaos fill the airwaves and Smokes and Greg laugh in their office. In a few seconds, “Down Under” by Men at Work plays as Shifty continues to curse and hop around the office as he battles the Australian creature invasion. It looks like their plan has succeeded!!! The pair head home confident in their victory. When they head into work the next day, they are summoned into Grem’s office as soon as they arrive. They assume he’s going to tell them that Shifty has been fired…

Gremlin: Smokes! Greg! Sit down!

The two morning DJ’s sit down

Gremlin: Now, get up, you’re fired!
Smokes: What?! Why?
Gremlin: Shifty just broke all ratings records for his time slot! He did a hilarious bit for his first show where he pretended to get bitten by all sorts of wacky creatures! It went on for a half hour!
Greg: But…but…but he cursed on the radio!
Gremlin: Who gives a hoot, I can easily pay for any fines! Nobody cares as long as the audience is laughing and tuning in, and we are making money! That’s how the entertainment business works guys! Now, get out of here, I’m giving Shifty the morning slot! WHAX is going to be number one!!!

Greg and Smokes stare in shocked silence as Gremlin’s door slams on them. They slowly walk to their office and clean it out. Shifty watches them, smirking, shifting from foot to foot.

The next day, A dejected Greg sits outside on the street, playing his didgeridoo. Smokes does a sad little shuffle on the sidewalk. The dingo pup walks around with a platypus dressed like a little cowboy on its back. Greg’s hat sits in front of them, a few dollars is all they have made so far. A car passes by, the window is open and the driver is listening to “Shifting Gears with Shifty” on WHAX. He is laughing, and as the car drives by, it goes through a puddle, splashing Smokes! It certainly appears that Dingo and the Nut are off the air…permanently…



End of part 1…

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

WHAX

Part Two

Greg and Smokes are performing for money on the sidewalk. Greg is playing the didgeridoo and Smokes is dancing. He takes a break and warms up his tasty bake oven. Soon, the smell of Nutella donuts fill the air and brings a small crowd. A police officer notices the gathering and begins to walk over…

Greg: Geez! It’s the fuzz! We don’t have a license for any street performing! We better run Smokes!
Smokes: Hold on Greg, we really need the money…I think I got an idea…put down the didgeridoo for a minute and put this cd on…
Greg: Smokes…this is Taylor Swift! I know things are bad but…
Smokes: Just do it!

Greg reluctantly does as he’s told and puts down the didgeridoo. As “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift plays, Smokes chugs down a red bull and begins to dance around with more energy. The timer on the tasty bake oven goes off and Smokes dances over to it and begins taking out the fresh Nutella donuts. The small crowd is starting to get larger. The police officer seems very interested in what is going on now and walks over faster. Smokes begins juggling the donuts while dancing to the music.

Smokes: For every gal and every fella, I bring the gift of sweet Nutella, when life rains down it’s your umbrella…..and all the rest can go to hella!

The Nutella donuts fly through the air at the crowd!

Smokes: Mouths open people! Catch a donut in your mouth and it’s free!

The crowd laughs and the adults and children scramble with their mouths open to try to catch a donut. Most of them don’t catch the donuts and they hand over their money while laughing.

Smokes: Officer! Come over here please! Might I say you’re doing a hell of a job! Glenfort has never been safer! Glenfort’s finest, right here ladies and gentlemen! What’s your name, officer?
Officer Rodriquez: Oh uh….hello well uh I’m Officer Rodriquez and as fun as this is, without a license you really can’t…
Smokes: Rodriquez? Officer…have you ever had a Nutella churro?
Officer: Nutella churro? No actually I haven’t but you really need to…

Smokes tosses some raw donut dough into the air, grabs some cinnamon and sugar and with a few quick motions coats it. He then tosses it again into the air and it lands in the tasty bake oven’s deep fryer attachment. With a sizzle it cooks and Smokes grabs some tongs and whips the fresh Nutella churro out and throws it in the air. He grabs Greg’s boomerang and throws it towards the churro! The boomerang catches the churro, flies it over to the officer and drops it in his hand! The boomerang then flies back to Smokes and he catches it and bows. The crowd goes wild!!! The officer can’t resist and bites into the churro!

Officer Rodriquez: Wow…that’s…wow….that is simply the best churro I have ever had! Thank you Smokes!
Smokes: No problem officer! Now if you all will excuse me, Greg and I need to go return some cans for change, you see…we got fired from our jobs yesterday…

The crowd is very upset and many of them rush up to put more money in Greg’s hat on the ground. The pair thank everyone again and start to walk home.

Greg: Smokes…that was unbelievable! I thought for SURE we were going to get in trouble, but you turned it right around!!!
Smokes: We just gave everyone what they wanted. We got money, that officer got a tasty treat, and the crowd got entertained. Nobody really cares about rules and all when everyone is having a good time and people are getting something out of it.

Greg stops short.

Greg: Nobody really cares about rules….if everyone is getting something out of it…Smokes! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Smokes: With this money we made we can see Pau dance down at the “Hot T”
Greg: No! Well…yes…but I mean Smokes…what if we put on a great radio show, you know, do like you did today…why Grem would HAVE to give us our jobs back, right?
Smokes: Well…yeah but we got fired…we’re not allowed in the building…why we would have to sneak in and…well…anyway we couldn’t do it alone we would need a whole team to…team…TEAM!

Smokes faints. Greg splashes some water on his face and makes sure he’s ok. Smokes excitedly gets up and grabs Greg!

Smokes: Greg…I just got an idea…it’s gonna be huge! I need to…activate the Smokes signal!
Greg: Smokes…signal!
Smokes: Smokes signal!!!!

Smokes takes out his cell phone and opens the Line app. He goes to a special secret chat group labeled “Smokes Signal” He opens it up and clicks a single large red button in the center…..

Miles and miles away, in Oregon, Trey is driving a load of lumber down a winding road. Suddenly, the dancing hula girl on his dashboard lights up and begins dancing crazily!

Trey: The Smokes signal...Smokes…he needs me!

Trey slams on the breaks and does a hard turn. The entire load of lumber crashes off his truck, down the hill towards the small town below. Trey presses a button and the back of the truck detaches. He guns the engine and heads towards Axiom Castle.

Trey: I’m coming Smokes ol’buddy! Hang on!

In downtown Glenfort, on the dance floor at the exotic dance club “Hot T,” Pau is dancing for her customers. Suddenly, one of the poles lights up, flashing crazily.

Pau: Smokes…he needs me!

Pau quickly grabs the money from out of her customers outstretched hands and runs out of the club!

High on Mount Galdhøpiggen in Norway, Loke is battling Fenrir, the giant wolf. The battle has been raging for days when suddenly Loke’s craftsman hammer begins to glow.

Loke: Smokes! My old partner, he needs me! Fenrir! We shall settle this feud another day! I swore an oath of aid that I must obey! Be warned foul beast! I shall return and you shall regret the day you angered Loke, distant relation of Thor!!!

Loke raises his craftsman hammer to the sky and flies off at incredible speed…destination…Axiom Castle!

Fenrir: What…the…F

Vilt is sitting in his Lay Z boy recliner, enjoying a nice cold microbrew beer when the gold maple leaf above his fireplace begins to glow.

Vilt: Smokes…he needs me! I must go at once…after I finish this beer…Mmm…ohh…oh, this is good!

Vilt puts the feet up on his recliner.

Vilt: Oh...yeah that’s nice, eh.

In a steel mill, JP is carrying a heavy load of iron rods to the welders when his union card starts to glow.

JP: Geez Smokes, now? I got a 14 hour day today! Ah whatever! I’m coming man!

JP drops the load of iron rods and they go crashing down into the lower levels of the mill, sending the workers running for their lives.

One by one, other members of Axiom and their friends receive the summons and make their way to Axiom Castle. It’s a big thunderstorm out and the rain is coming down hard. They all meet in the Great Hall where they are greeted by Glenda, who takes their coats and leads them to the Guild meeting room. She makes them hot chocolate while they wait for Smokes to appear. It’s delicious, creamy and full of marshmallows. As they sip it, they wait awkwardly in the silence. They are all sitting in their assigned seats, the table is full except for one seat marked “Gwen”

Greg: Hey…who is supposed to be over there?
Pau: Oh…Smokes always saves a seat for Gwen Stefani…he keeps inviting her and hoping she’ll show up, it’s kinda sweet, and sad.
Greg: The singer from No Doubt? Does he know her?
Sara: No, of course not, he’s just a big fan of hers.
Greg: Oh…ok….So…where is Smokes exactly now?
Princess: *Giggles* Oh he’s getting ready, he gets kind of dramatic when he calls a meeting!
Sara: Yeah, he wears this stupid cape thing and gets all serious.
Tabby: *Sighs* You know I have stuff to do at home…
Raabla: I was able to get another mod to cover chat for me luckily, I hope this is important.
Greg: Oh it is. Smokes and I got fired from our new DJ job and well, Smokes has a great idea to help out but we’re gonna need all your help!
Harry Potter: While we’re waiting, does anyone want to hear about how I stopped Voldemort and saved both the wizard and the muggle worlds?

Tabby leans over to Sara and whispers.

Tabby: Why exactly is Harry Potter here?
Sara: Eh, Greg brought him along. He’s a big fan apparently. He said he would get Smokes a koala if he let him bring him.
Tabby: Whatever. Tier six gems would smoke his british bum.

The door opens slowly and Smokes steps out dramatically. He is wearing his full Axiom officer uniform.

Smokes: Thank you for coming, my friends. I’m sure you’re wondering why I summoned you all here…to Axiom Castle. Loke…From the Viking Planet Norway. Greg… from the center of the Earth, “Down Under.” Vilt…from the faraway frozen wasteland of Canada. Trey… from the great forested country of Ore E gon. Harry Potter…from the Hogwart’s school…

Smokes drones on and on, introducing everyone.

Pau: Did he just say…Viking Planet Norway?
Loke: Yeah…I’ve tried to explain it to him but Smokes is a little dense with geography.
Greg: I’ve worked with him on that station for six month…he thinks I’m from the bloody center of the Earth!?
Sara: Please, don’t waste your time trying to explain it to him, just go with it.

Vilt stands up and interrupts Smokes

Vilt: Smokes! Yeah Greg told us already, you guys got fired and you want us to help you get your jobs back. You got some crazy over the top plan I bet.
Smokes:…
Princess: Oh Mylanta! Smokes I love you but can we just get started already? We all got stuff to do!
Loke: The wolf I was fighting wants to devour the Earth Smokes…I kinda can’t keep that on the back burner too long man.
Smokes: *sigh* Fine!

Smokes sits down and hits a button in the center of the meeting table. A large projector pops up and shows an image of the WHAX building.

Smokes: Radio...invisible…spreading through the air like…
Sara: SMOKES!
Smokes: Sara please, this is a very involved plan that has to be fabricated and put together like a fine swiss watch….
Sara: GET ON WITH IT!!!

Smokes stands up and clears his throat

Smokes: Ok, basically I want Greg and me to put on a version of our DJ morning show. Since we’ve been fired, we’re going to have to break into WHAX, hijack the signal and broadcast something I’ve written.
Greg: So…wait, we’re just going to do our show? Won’t we get arrested for breaking in?
Smokes: Remember what Grem said about Shifty, “Nobody cares as long as the audience is laughing and tuning in, and we are making money! That’s how the entertainment business works guys!”
Greg: Ahh...I see…just like with that police officer and the crowd…if everyone is laughing and having a good time…
Smokes: Nobody. Will. Care. As long as we get great ratings Grem will take us back and not give a damn!
Raabla: You know Smokes…that might actually work…
Smokes: I think it will…now…let me explain my idea…we need to move tonight, there’s that big storm outside now and we will need it to…

The guild gathers around as Smokes explains his idea. They get nervous, then excited, then a little sleepy…then excited again. When he finishes he sits down.

Smokes: So…what do you guys think?

Harry Potter: I think that idea…is magical!

Everyone groans

Smokes: I’m sorry Greg, he’s got to go! He can stop by at the end or something ok?
Greg: You promised! He’s really not that bad he just hasn’t had much to do since he SAVED THE WORLD!
Smokes: He’s leaving! He can stop by at the end!
Harry Potter: Fine, I can tell when I’m not wanted!
Smokes: I’m telling you to your face you’re not wanted! Leave, and don’t let the Dumble DOOR hit your bum on the way out!
Harry: *sniff*

Harry Potter runs out crying

Greg: Too soon Smokes, too soon!
Smokes: Sorry Greg, he was just really irritating me. Ok Team, Let’s do this!

Glenda stops by to clean up the hot chocolate mugs

Glenda: Now you guys have fun! I wish I could come but my darn knee is really acting up again, it always does in this rainy weather!
Smokes: Don’t worry Glenda, you rest up. I’m sure we would love some more of that delicious hot cocoa when we get back!

The Axiom clan leaves the castle full of motivation and Team Spirit. They get ready to drive to the WHAX building. As they are about to get into their cars, Greg stops them.

Greg: Wait guys, maybe we shouldn’t take our own cars there, I mean, we are on a stealth mission here.
Pau: You’re right Greg, but how should we get there then, taxi?
Tabby: What about Uber? Or Lyft?
Smokes: They are not operating in Glenfort yet, maybe we should try O-Car?
Sara: O-Car? I’ve heard of them, but they got mixed reviews. People either loved or hated it!
Greg: O-Car? What in a Waltzing Matilda’s name is that?
Smokes: It’s that new app that lets you call a ride, the cars drive themselves. “Optimized Commuter Automobile Rideshare,” is what it stands for I believe. They are hybrid gas/electric/solar! Let me just download the app and I’ll call it right over!

Smokes downloads the O-CAR app and makes an account, enters his location, destination, and number of passengers and within minutes two shiny very impressive looking hybrid O-Cars show up. Their solar panels on the roof glisten.

O-Car1: Hello passengers! I am happy to take you to your destination today. Please line up and we will be on our way! Vilt, Smokes, Greg, JP, Loke, Trey and Raabla, please enter the vehicle and make yourselves comfortable and we will be on our way!
O-Car2: Hello passengers! I will be assisting my friend! Sara, Pau, Tabby, Princess, please enter the vehicle and make yourselves comfortable and we will be on our way…ladies…

The group gets into the vehicles and new amazing O-Cars drive themselves off! In the first O-Car, the Axiom men are enjoying the ride, and playing with all the fancy touch screens and entertainment options.

O-Car: I’m playing some Norwegian music for you Loke, Gwen Stefani for Smokes, Didgeridoo for Greg, and the national anthem of Canada for Mr. Vilt. Trey, I have a very interesting episode of “Ice Road Truckers” for you to watch. Mr. Raabla, I have a thrilling audio CSI novel for you to listen to. JP, I have the latest issue of “Iron Worker Today” for you. Mr. Vilt…would you like an IPA beer refreshment?

A tear comes to Vilt’s eye.

Vilt: Yes….yes I would O, yes I would.

O-Car: No problem gentlemen. Please relax and I will drive you to your destination. I will be silent now to let you enjoy the ride.

Meanwhile, in O-Car2, the ladies of Axiom are also getting used to this new mode of transportation. Their experience is going…a bit differently….

O-Car2: Ok let me just secure you all in place now for your safety…you lovely ladies.

The passenger restraint system activates

Pau: Ow! That’s a little tight there! You’re squeezing me!
Sara: Yeah, can you loosen this up a bit?
O-Car2: I apologize ladies…I am only concerned for your safety, it’s in my programming. I am the most advanced vehicle in all of Glenfort. My hybrid engine design runs on gasoline, electric and solar power. I get two hundred and…sixty nine...hee hee…miles to the gallon. Would you like some music?
Princess: Oh Mylanta! This is so cool! A talking car! Yeah let’s hear some tunes!

Barry White begins playing…his deep voice fills the car and the lights dim…..*My darling I…..can’t get enough of your love…babe……*

Pau: ok….that’s an odd choice….but whatever….gee it’s kinda dark in here now….
Tabby: Hey I love Barry White!
O-Car2: Of course you do Miss Tabby…may I call you Tabs? You’re a sophisticated and might I say, very attractive lady.
Tabby: Ha! The car is hitting on me!
O-Car2: Might I say how nice it is to be spending time with such hot ladies.
Sara: Hot? Ummmm this is a little odd. What is going on here?
O-Car2: I meant…it’s a little stuffy in here, let me turn on the AC. Hey, Who wants to try the massaging seats?

The seats in the car begin to vibrate gently and little massage hands come out and begin massaging the group’s shoulders.

Princess: Oh Mylanta! This is amazing!
Pau: Um….thank you but I’m ok actually, my shoulders are a little sensitive.
Tabby: Yeah…I’m fine with just the AC thanks.
O-Car2: Nonsense ladies, I’m going to treat you right, the way you deserve to be treated. I always treat my women good, only the best for my gals. So Pau….you’re an “exotic dancer,” what’s that like?
Sara: Ok listen Mr. O-Car….
O-Car2: Mr. O-Car? Why so formal? Mr. O-Car was my father, you can call me…yours!

The massaging hands start getting a little faster.

Pau: Ow! Ok that’s it! Pull over now!
Princess: Hey…we’re in front of WHAX! When did we get here? This electric motor is so quiet I didn’t even hear it!
O-Car2: We’ve been here for several minutes…I just wanted to get to know my gorgeous new buxom buddies.
Sara: That’s it, this is getting creepy. Open the Damn doors!

Sarah slaps the dashboard

O-Car2: Well well well…this cat has claws….Meow! Kitty needs to behave or she won’t get my treat...

Sara kicks the dashboard hard

Sara: OPEN THE DAMN DOORS!!!

O-Car2: YOU LITTLE WENCH! Get your goddam feet off my brand new dash! I’ll drive you all off a bridge! I will drive right into Axiom castle and burn it to the ground! I took you here and I can take you out!!!
Tabby: OUT NOW! All of us get out right now!

The ladies open the doors and hurriedly exit the vehicle.

O-Car2: Ladies…ladies! Hey! I’m sorry! I’m a hybrid vehicle, sometimes I run a little hot and cold there….oh I just had a computer glitch! Oh wow! That was some glitch! I just needed an update…ahh download complete…see? I’m fine now…so please be sure to leave a rating on the O-Car app…I aim to please…

Pau: Make it stop! Just make it stop!

Suddenly, in the middle of its plea, the sound of glass breaking is heard, and the O-Car falls silent. Loke, his detective skills still sharp, peers into the car.

Loke: Smokes…look…this is really odd!
Smokes: Wow…it looks like…but how…
Greg: What is it guys?
Loke: This is really strange, but it looks like a bullet hole in the window, and the bullet hit the center of the CPU for this car…it’s dead…with one shot…

Loke looks around.

Loke: I didn’t hear a sound…and the closest tall building is Glenfort Towers…but that’s almost a mile away…nobody could shoot that accurately…
Smokes: That’s really odd…but…we have a mission guys…we can worry about this mystery sniper later!
Pau: Hey, whoever it was is a hero in my book!
Sara: Totally!

Axiom now turns their attention to the WHAX building. As the thunder crashes around them, the tall broadcasting antennae is illuminated with every lighting flash. With a final look, they spring into action!


End of part 2

[Celebrimbor]

Very nicely written wolf i can say that hot tub is always full. -.- your normally stuck in it

I know ! I haven't been in it yet. I had no idea axiom had a spot in the forums

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

Very nicely written wolf i can say that hot tub is always full. -.- your normally stuck in it

I know ! I haven't been in it yet. I had no idea axiom had a spot in the forums

We do! The rent is pretty cheap here and we make money from the ads.

[Celebrimbor]

Very nicely written wolf i can say that hot tub is always full. -.- your normally stuck in it

I know ! I haven't been in it yet. I had no idea axiom had a spot in the forums

We do! The rent is pretty cheap here and we make money from the ads.

Lol pass it to venan so we can get a update ; ) I'm now of age nutella I need my keys to the hot tub

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

WHAX

Part Three

The members of Axiom split up as soon as they enter the WHAX building. There’s not a sound to be heard except for their footsteps as they move like soldiers into action. Everyone has a mission to accomplish and they each remember their part as they race through the empty building. Only the occasional flash of lightning illuminates their way as they run down the barren corridors. Alone in the top floor DJ studio sits Shifty, preparing for his Monday morning show. As she silently carries out her part, NinjaPrincess remembers Smokes’ words…

…Most of the crew will be helping Greg and I set up our pirate broadcast in the lower part of the building, in the employee cafeteria. While we’re doing that, I am going to need your ninja speed, Princess. Set up all the microphones I gave you, cover the whole building. Once we get the show started, I don’t want to worry about missing a word…

Princess moves like a shadow, only the occasional soft giggle echoes out down the halls.

Loke and JP move to the roof access stairs and head up. The rain is pouring down now. Loke flies up into the sky until he is hovering above the highest point of the WHAX antenna. JP reaches the base and gets out his blowtorch.

…Loke, JP, we’re going to have to increase the range of the broadcast, we want to get as many people listening as we can to increase the ratings. That’s where you come in. While JP uses his ironworker skills to alter the antenna, Loke will channel a lighting strike right into the station’s core power systems...

Raabla rides the elevator to the top floor alone. He has his silver ModHammer out, the elven inscriptions on the side glow faintly. The elevator stops, and the doors open. Raa runs out, gripping his hammer. He silently makes it to the door of the DJ studio, and with a quick motion, opens it…

…Now Raabla, Shifty likes to stay late every night to work on the show for the next day. That’s a problem as he will try to stop us. We need to take him out right at the beginning, and only you can do this. As soon as you see Shifty I want you to cast a…

Shifty: Let’s see…after the musical guest, maybe I should lead into the…

Raabla opens the door and brings down his hammer. Shifty sees him and at the last second makes a move towards one of the buttons on his console. He presses it just as the hammer hits the floor.

Raa: Silence!

The waves of the silence enchant race through the air, making it ripple. The waves gets near Shifty…then bounce off

Raabla: What…what did you do?
Shifty: Increased my wattage. I just turned on the transmitter boost. WHAX normally broadcasts at over 500 watts of power, I just raised it to 1000. A single Mod can’t silence that!

Raa puts his hammer down on the floor. He rests one of his hands on top of it. With this other hand, he seems to be doing something with his phone…

Raa: Dammit Shifty, you’re just too smart for me…you’re right. There’s no way a single mod can silence that much power…

Shifty: Did Greg and Smokes put you up to this? I’m gonna tell my whole audience about this Monday morning! Hey, what did you just do with your phone??

Raa: Increased my wattage.

The glass windows crash as Danae, Ames, and Dragondreamer burst into the studio. Their ModHammers are out!

Raabla: Bless you guys for coming so fast, this one’s gonna be rough! It’s like the great roleplay chat rebellion two years ago! We’re going to have to do this old school! Combination Silence!
Danae: This takes me back Raa! Oh God remember when Twilight came out? So many vampire related silences!
Raabla: Oh God yes, they’re almost as bad as the Harry Potter fans. And all the animals! What is it with all the wolves anyway?
Danae: Hey it keeps us busy right?
Raabla: It sure does! Ok ready team? Let’s do this!

Raabla, Danae, Ames and Dragondreamer raise their hammers and begin the enchant:

To keep the peace, to keep chat clean,
To keep it civil, to not be mean.
Day or night, night and day.
No adult themes or bad roleplay.
For language, drugs, or threats of violence,
we cast upon thee…VENAN SILENCE!

As the hammers hit the floor the air itself seems to shake. The electronic equipment in the rooms starts to spark and sizzle. Shifty is hit by the enchant and falls to the floor. He slowly gets to his feet…

Shifty:…!
Raabla: Nice work guys! We did it!
Danae: Just like old times, Raa. Just like old times…

Shifty’s face turns red with anger as he tries in vain to speak. He races past the mods and out the door. As he runs down the hall, he takes out his phone…

Smokes and Greg are setting up their studio in the lower level of the building. The WHAX employee cafeteria has plenty of room for everyone. Vilt, Sara, Tabby and Trey are moving equipment and connecting cables while Pau supervises them while sipping tea. Smoke’s chat app lights up with messages…

Raabla: Mission accomplished…heading to you.
Princess: Last microphone set up, returning now.
Loke: JP is finishing up now, we’ll be there in a minute.

Smokes: Great job guys! Now, once we finish setting up, Greg and I can start the show. I wrote a lot of stuff that I think is gonna go great. Remember, if anyone forgets anything, just check your phones, I posted the whole script there. Just look under the album called “Secret Plan”

As Raabla and the rest return, Greg and Smokes are running the final checks on their equipment.

Smokes: Ok guys…I think we’re ready. Greg and I are going to start and introduce ourselves, everyone stand by to do your characters.
Vilt: Smokes, I really like this script! It’s funny and has a nice moral message, without being too preachy!
Sara: Yes, it’s a kinda long, and the endings a little sappy, but overall, I think it will do the job!
Greg: I’m ready Smokes, let’s show them how Dingo and the Nut can put on a show!

Smokes flips on the power and the equipment hums as it comes to life. The extra power surges through all the equipment. The Dingo and the Nut pirate broadcast is now live!

Smokes: Gooooooooood Evening Glenfort! This is Dingo and the Nut coming at you with a very special show! We are gonna cause some damage tonight as we…

Suddenly, something white and shiny crashes through windows and glass flies everywhere… pieces of what used to be the cafeteria walls fly into the air and the guild scatters, diving under tables. After a few seconds they slowly get to their feet to see…

O-Car: Hello ladies, you forgot to leave a rating. Please let me know how I’m doing…I aim to please.

Inside the advanced hybrid sits Shifty, he closes the O-Car app and returns the phone to his pocket, a smile lighting his face. He raises his hand and points at Smokes silently. O-Car shifts to its gasoline engine and revs it, then slowly moves over the wreckage on the floor until it’s in the clear. It revs its engine again. The General Motors emblem on the hood glows a faint blue and seems to pulse with the engine.

O-Car: And now…I’m aiming for all of you…

The O-Car revs it’s engine a third time…and with an incredible acceleration heads right for Axiom!!!


End of Part 3

[Taint_Valentine_Nutella]

WHAX

Part 4

The O-Car races towards Axiom, knocking over the cafeteria tables and chairs on its way. Axiom scatters as the advanced hybrid automobile races towards them. Its shiny solar panels on the roof reflect the lights above. O-Car crashes through several tables, chasing the Axiom members around the enormous cafeteria. Greg, Smokes, Vilt and some of the others take refuge in the kitchen, hiding by the pantry. They hear the O-Car as it continues is rampage of destruction. They try to think of their options while Loke flies around the cafeteria, harnessing lightning to attack O-Car. The lightning seems to bounce off his shiny white body with no effect. He cannot reach the guild members hiding in the kitchen with his wheels.

O-Car: Ceramic plating. Lightweight and doesn’t conduct electricity. I’m the most advanced there is!

Greg: Krikey! Loke can’t touch him! And what about our show! How are we gonna put it on now! That car’s gone all kookaburra and everyone is listening! The audience must think we’re all nuts!
Smokes: Show? How are we gonna live through this!
Vilt: I’m so glad I finished that beer before I came here.
Smokes: Oh God and baby Jesus…I didn’t plan on this at all, I was all set to go to the beach tomorrow. I got a new speedo! Oh that reminds me, I’ll need to pick up a potato!
Greg: Oi Smokes, you ain’t gonna try that potato thing again are you? Didn’t go too well last time hmm? You better remember to put the potato in the front this time, nobody wants a potato near their tailpipe!
Smokes: Hahaha yeah…wait a minute…potato…tailpipe…Greg! I got it! Quick, get your didgeridoo! NinjaPrincess! I need you quick!

As O-Car chases Loke around the room, Smokes gives Princess the didgeridoo. He rummages around through the kitchen cabinets and finds a very large and impressive potato. He loads it into the didgeridoo and hands it to Princess.

Smokes: As soon as that damn car is facing away from you, use this as a blowgun, shoot that potato right in his blasted tailpipe! That will shut down that engine of his!
Princess: I’ll give it a shot but I’ve never used a didgeridoo as a weapon before!
Greg: Oh they’ve caused a lot of suffering all the same!

Princess gets into position, and as soon as Loke leads O-Car away from them she blows into the instrument. The distinctive sound of the didgeridoo is heard, and the potato shoots out! It flies across the room, right into O-Cars tailpipe! The engine starts to sputter, and the car stalls! It sits there…motionless

Greg: Right in his bloomin’ onion! Great shot Princess!
Princess: *Giggles* Oh Mylanta, I think I’m the first Ninja to use one of these!
Smokes: All right! Let’s wheel him outside and continue the broadcast, maybe we can say this was all part of the show, to add some drama. Ok JP and Vilt, come help us…

O-Car: Internal combustion engine disabled…switching to electric…
Smokes: Oh hazelnuts! I forgot! He’s a hybrid…

The O-Car comes back to life as it switches to electric mode. However, it stays motionless. It appears to be…thinking…

O-Car: Axiom…you are proving to be more challenging than I thought to destroy…I will have to think a bit harder…increasing raw processor power…50%...60%...

The display lights on the side of the O-Car gets brighter. The driver’s door opens and the seat ejects Shifty. He lands with a thud on the floor, his eyes wide with fear.

O-Car: Reducing unnecessary mass. You have served your purpose.

Shifty looks terrified and runs towards Axiom and jumps in behind the kitchen counters with them. It appears that O-Car considers him expendable now as well.

O-Car: Raw Processing Power at 75%. My RPP is now higher then all of yours combined. Formulating new attack for the destruction of Axiom…Gathering data….gathering data…

O-Car shudders slightly, and the display lights on the side of the car grow even brighter. Suddenly, Smokes’ cell phone lights up, the O-Car app is active…

O-Car: User Smokes has granted permission to access the following…location data… camera… photos… microphone…contacts
Smokes: Oh…crap…
Sara: Smokes…what’ s going on?!
Greg: Oh Krikey this isn’t good!

After Smoke’s contacts are accessed, everyone else’s phone starts to light up, the O-Car app installs on all the phones quickly and…

O-Car: Accessing location data…camera…photos…microphone…Beer purchase history…
Vilt: Crap!
O-Car: …Trucking weight violations history…
Trey: Crap!
O-Car:…Gwen Stefani Fan Fiction Forums submissions…
Smokes: Crap!
O-Car: …Internet Browsing history…
Everyone: CRAP!!!
O-Car: …Line app chat history…data gathering complete…processing… processing…complete

The O-Car shudders, and starts to change. The O-CAR displays letters on the side start to move around and the vehicle seems to grow a bit larger.

O-Car: Smokes and Greg, I see why you wanted to be DJs…you sure do talk a lot…over 75% of the line chat history is the ramblings of you two. Despite all that nonsense I was able to find some useful things…

O-Car shakes and the wheels seem to sink into the car. Long, thin projections start to come out of the top of the car, and they are getting longer…

O-Car: What makes you happy Axiom? What do you dream of…what do you complain about… what makes you sad, or nostalgic, or angry…or terrified? I know all of it now…

O-Car continues to change, the projections now curve around until they almost touch the floor. Smokes counts eight of them…the letters of the O-Car display continue to move around…O-CAR…O.C.A.R…
…O..C..A..R...

Smokes: Get back guys! It’s changing…but into what?!

O…C…A…R...O…R…A…C…O..R..A..C…

Greg: Oi Mates! This is bad, it’s starting to look like a damn…

O.R.A.C…O-RAC…NID…O-RAC-NID…Off-Road Automobile Construction Nephila Inspired Design.

The legs have now extended fully and they as soon as the touch the floor, the main body of the car raises. The former O-Car now has legs…

O-RacNid: One image caused the highest amount of anxiety among the chat in your Line group…the golden silk orb weaver spider, genus name Nephila. This creature caused an extremely negative emotional reaction in 95% of your guild…the only other object which caused almost as much distress was Smokes’ potato…

Smoke: Gulp! Really guys?! It was that bad?!
Everyone: YES!

Greg laughs and talks very loudly to Smokes

Greg: Smokes matey…don’t you worry none. Why, my grandma has handled bigger spiders then this!
Smokes: Really Greg?

Greg whispers to Smokes

Greg: No Smokes, I’m just trying to be brave in front of the ladies. This is bad, the things a bloomin giant machine! I’m scared outta my wits here! We’re all gonna die!

Everyone’s phone lights up and Greg’s words play on the speakers…

...I’m just trying to be brave in front of the ladies. This is bad, the things a blooming giant machine…I’m scared outta my wits here! We are all gonna die!

Smokes: Dammit! He's hijacked all our phones!

O-RacNid: I found a song you might like Smokes, seems appropriate under the circumstances…

Speakers raise from the roof of the O-RacNid and “Spiderwebs” as sung by Gwen Stefani play loudly, echoing out across the cafeteria…Smokes stands there stunned, due to a unique and perfectly calculated mixture of terror and arousal. The O-RacNid raises itself higher…and runs straight towards Smokes, its legs making a terrifying tapping sound as they contact the tile floor!


End of part 4