by Taint_Valentine_Nutella » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:59 pm
WHAX
Part Two
Greg and Smokes are performing for money on the sidewalk. Greg is playing the didgeridoo and Smokes is dancing. He takes a break and warms up his tasty bake oven. Soon, the smell of Nutella donuts fill the air and brings a small crowd. A police officer notices the gathering and begins to walk over…
Greg: Geez! It’s the fuzz! We don’t have a license for any street performing! We better run Smokes!
Smokes: Hold on Greg, we really need the money…I think I got an idea…put down the didgeridoo for a minute and put this cd on…
Greg: Smokes…this is Taylor Swift! I know things are bad but…
Smokes: Just do it!
Greg reluctantly does as he’s told and puts down the didgeridoo. As “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift plays, Smokes chugs down a red bull and begins to dance around with more energy. The timer on the tasty bake oven goes off and Smokes dances over to it and begins taking out the fresh Nutella donuts. The small crowd is starting to get larger. The police officer seems very interested in what is going on now and walks over faster. Smokes begins juggling the donuts while dancing to the music.
Smokes: For every gal and every fella, I bring the gift of sweet Nutella, when life rains down it’s your umbrella…..and all the rest can go to hella!
The Nutella donuts fly through the air at the crowd!
Smokes: Mouths open people! Catch a donut in your mouth and it’s free!
The crowd laughs and the adults and children scramble with their mouths open to try to catch a donut. Most of them don’t catch the donuts and they hand over their money while laughing.
Smokes: Officer! Come over here please! Might I say you’re doing a hell of a job! Glenfort has never been safer! Glenfort’s finest, right here ladies and gentlemen! What’s your name, officer?
Officer Rodriquez: Oh uh….hello well uh I’m Officer Rodriquez and as fun as this is, without a license you really can’t…
Smokes: Rodriquez? Officer…have you ever had a Nutella churro?
Officer: Nutella churro? No actually I haven’t but you really need to…
Smokes tosses some raw donut dough into the air, grabs some cinnamon and sugar and with a few quick motions coats it. He then tosses it again into the air and it lands in the tasty bake oven’s deep fryer attachment. With a sizzle it cooks and Smokes grabs some tongs and whips the fresh Nutella churro out and throws it in the air. He grabs Greg’s boomerang and throws it towards the churro! The boomerang catches the churro, flies it over to the officer and drops it in his hand! The boomerang then flies back to Smokes and he catches it and bows. The crowd goes wild!!! The officer can’t resist and bites into the churro!
Officer Rodriquez: Wow…that’s…wow….that is simply the best churro I have ever had! Thank you Smokes!
Smokes: No problem officer! Now if you all will excuse me, Greg and I need to go return some cans for change, you see…we got fired from our jobs yesterday…
The crowd is very upset and many of them rush up to put more money in Greg’s hat on the ground. The pair thank everyone again and start to walk home.
Greg: Smokes…that was unbelievable! I thought for SURE we were going to get in trouble, but you turned it right around!!!
Smokes: We just gave everyone what they wanted. We got money, that officer got a tasty treat, and the crowd got entertained. Nobody really cares about rules and all when everyone is having a good time and people are getting something out of it.
Greg stops short.
Greg: Nobody really cares about rules….if everyone is getting something out of it…Smokes! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Smokes: With this money we made we can see Pau dance down at the “Hot T”
Greg: No! Well…yes…but I mean Smokes…what if we put on a great radio show, you know, do like you did today…why Grem would HAVE to give us our jobs back, right?
Smokes: Well…yeah but we got fired…we’re not allowed in the building…why we would have to sneak in and…well…anyway we couldn’t do it alone we would need a whole team to…team…TEAM!
Smokes faints. Greg splashes some water on his face and makes sure he’s ok. Smokes excitedly gets up and grabs Greg!
Smokes: Greg…I just got an idea…it’s gonna be huge! I need to…activate the Smokes signal!
Greg: Smokes…signal!
Smokes: Smokes signal!!!!
Smokes takes out his cell phone and opens the Line app. He goes to a special secret chat group labeled “Smokes Signal” He opens it up and clicks a single large red button in the center…..
Miles and miles away, in Oregon, Trey is driving a load of lumber down a winding road. Suddenly, the dancing hula girl on his dashboard lights up and begins dancing crazily!
Trey: The Smokes signal...Smokes…he needs me!
Trey slams on the breaks and does a hard turn. The entire load of lumber crashes off his truck, down the hill towards the small town below. Trey presses a button and the back of the truck detaches. He guns the engine and heads towards Axiom Castle.
Trey: I’m coming Smokes ol’buddy! Hang on!
In downtown Glenfort, on the dance floor at the exotic dance club “Hot T,” Pau is dancing for her customers. Suddenly, one of the poles lights up, flashing crazily.
Pau: Smokes…he needs me!
Pau quickly grabs the money from out of her customers outstretched hands and runs out of the club!
High on Mount Galdhøpiggen in Norway, Loke is battling Fenrir, the giant wolf. The battle has been raging for days when suddenly Loke’s craftsman hammer begins to glow.
Loke: Smokes! My old partner, he needs me! Fenrir! We shall settle this feud another day! I swore an oath of aid that I must obey! Be warned foul beast! I shall return and you shall regret the day you angered Loke, distant relation of Thor!!!
Loke raises his craftsman hammer to the sky and flies off at incredible speed…destination…Axiom Castle!
Fenrir: What…the…F
Vilt is sitting in his Lay Z boy recliner, enjoying a nice cold microbrew beer when the gold maple leaf above his fireplace begins to glow.
Vilt: Smokes…he needs me! I must go at once…after I finish this beer…Mmm…ohh…oh, this is good!
Vilt puts the feet up on his recliner.
Vilt: Oh...yeah that’s nice, eh.
In a steel mill, JP is carrying a heavy load of iron rods to the welders when his union card starts to glow.
JP: Geez Smokes, now? I got a 14 hour day today! Ah whatever! I’m coming man!
JP drops the load of iron rods and they go crashing down into the lower levels of the mill, sending the workers running for their lives.
One by one, other members of Axiom and their friends receive the summons and make their way to Axiom Castle. It’s a big thunderstorm out and the rain is coming down hard. They all meet in the Great Hall where they are greeted by Glenda, who takes their coats and leads them to the Guild meeting room. She makes them hot chocolate while they wait for Smokes to appear. It’s delicious, creamy and full of marshmallows. As they sip it, they wait awkwardly in the silence. They are all sitting in their assigned seats, the table is full except for one seat marked “Gwen”
Greg: Hey…who is supposed to be over there?
Pau: Oh…Smokes always saves a seat for Gwen Stefani…he keeps inviting her and hoping she’ll show up, it’s kinda sweet, and sad.
Greg: The singer from No Doubt? Does he know her?
Sara: No, of course not, he’s just a big fan of hers.
Greg: Oh…ok….So…where is Smokes exactly now?
Princess: *Giggles* Oh he’s getting ready, he gets kind of dramatic when he calls a meeting!
Sara: Yeah, he wears this stupid cape thing and gets all serious.
Tabby: *Sighs* You know I have stuff to do at home…
Raabla: I was able to get another mod to cover chat for me luckily, I hope this is important.
Greg: Oh it is. Smokes and I got fired from our new DJ job and well, Smokes has a great idea to help out but we’re gonna need all your help!
Harry Potter: While we’re waiting, does anyone want to hear about how I stopped Voldemort and saved both the wizard and the muggle worlds?
Tabby leans over to Sara and whispers.
Tabby: Why exactly is Harry Potter here?
Sara: Eh, Greg brought him along. He’s a big fan apparently. He said he would get Smokes a koala if he let him bring him.
Tabby: Whatever. Tier six gems would smoke his british bum.
The door opens slowly and Smokes steps out dramatically. He is wearing his full Axiom officer uniform.
Smokes: Thank you for coming, my friends. I’m sure you’re wondering why I summoned you all here…to Axiom Castle. Loke…From the Viking Planet Norway. Greg… from the center of the Earth, “Down Under.” Vilt…from the faraway frozen wasteland of Canada. Trey… from the great forested country of Ore E gon. Harry Potter…from the Hogwart’s school…
Smokes drones on and on, introducing everyone.
Pau: Did he just say…Viking Planet Norway?
Loke: Yeah…I’ve tried to explain it to him but Smokes is a little dense with geography.
Greg: I’ve worked with him on that station for six month…he thinks I’m from the bloody center of the Earth!?
Sara: Please, don’t waste your time trying to explain it to him, just go with it.
Vilt stands up and interrupts Smokes
Vilt: Smokes! Yeah Greg told us already, you guys got fired and you want us to help you get your jobs back. You got some crazy over the top plan I bet.
Smokes:…
Princess: Oh Mylanta! Smokes I love you but can we just get started already? We all got stuff to do!
Loke: The wolf I was fighting wants to devour the Earth Smokes…I kinda can’t keep that on the back burner too long man.
Smokes: *sigh* Fine!
Smokes sits down and hits a button in the center of the meeting table. A large projector pops up and shows an image of the WHAX building.
Smokes: Radio...invisible…spreading through the air like…
Sara: SMOKES!
Smokes: Sara please, this is a very involved plan that has to be fabricated and put together like a fine swiss watch….
Sara: GET ON WITH IT!!!
Smokes stands up and clears his throat
Smokes: Ok, basically I want Greg and me to put on a version of our DJ morning show. Since we’ve been fired, we’re going to have to break into WHAX, hijack the signal and broadcast something I’ve written.
Greg: So…wait, we’re just going to do our show? Won’t we get arrested for breaking in?
Smokes: Remember what Grem said about Shifty, “Nobody cares as long as the audience is laughing and tuning in, and we are making money! That’s how the entertainment business works guys!”
Greg: Ahh...I see…just like with that police officer and the crowd…if everyone is laughing and having a good time…
Smokes: Nobody. Will. Care. As long as we get great ratings Grem will take us back and not give a damn!
Raabla: You know Smokes…that might actually work…
Smokes: I think it will…now…let me explain my idea…we need to move tonight, there’s that big storm outside now and we will need it to…
The guild gathers around as Smokes explains his idea. They get nervous, then excited, then a little sleepy…then excited again. When he finishes he sits down.
Smokes: So…what do you guys think?
Harry Potter: I think that idea…is magical!
Everyone groans
Smokes: I’m sorry Greg, he’s got to go! He can stop by at the end or something ok?
Greg: You promised! He’s really not that bad he just hasn’t had much to do since he SAVED THE WORLD!
Smokes: He’s leaving! He can stop by at the end!
Harry Potter: Fine, I can tell when I’m not wanted!
Smokes: I’m telling you to your face you’re not wanted! Leave, and don’t let the Dumble DOOR hit your bum on the way out!
Harry: *sniff*
Harry Potter runs out crying
Greg: Too soon Smokes, too soon!
Smokes: Sorry Greg, he was just really irritating me. Ok Team, Let’s do this!
Glenda stops by to clean up the hot chocolate mugs
Glenda: Now you guys have fun! I wish I could come but my darn knee is really acting up again, it always does in this rainy weather!
Smokes: Don’t worry Glenda, you rest up. I’m sure we would love some more of that delicious hot cocoa when we get back!
The Axiom clan leaves the castle full of motivation and Team Spirit. They get ready to drive to the WHAX building. As they are about to get into their cars, Greg stops them.
Greg: Wait guys, maybe we shouldn’t take our own cars there, I mean, we are on a stealth mission here.
Pau: You’re right Greg, but how should we get there then, taxi?
Tabby: What about Uber? Or Lyft?
Smokes: They are not operating in Glenfort yet, maybe we should try O-Car?
Sara: O-Car? I’ve heard of them, but they got mixed reviews. People either loved or hated it!
Greg: O-Car? What in a Waltzing Matilda’s name is that?
Smokes: It’s that new app that lets you call a ride, the cars drive themselves. “Optimized Commuter Automobile Rideshare,” is what it stands for I believe. They are hybrid gas/electric/solar! Let me just download the app and I’ll call it right over!
Smokes downloads the O-CAR app and makes an account, enters his location, destination, and number of passengers and within minutes two shiny very impressive looking hybrid O-Cars show up. Their solar panels on the roof glisten.
O-Car1: Hello passengers! I am happy to take you to your destination today. Please line up and we will be on our way! Vilt, Smokes, Greg, JP, Loke, Trey and Raabla, please enter the vehicle and make yourselves comfortable and we will be on our way!
O-Car2: Hello passengers! I will be assisting my friend! Sara, Pau, Tabby, Princess, please enter the vehicle and make yourselves comfortable and we will be on our way…ladies…
The group gets into the vehicles and new amazing O-Cars drive themselves off! In the first O-Car, the Axiom men are enjoying the ride, and playing with all the fancy touch screens and entertainment options.
O-Car: I’m playing some Norwegian music for you Loke, Gwen Stefani for Smokes, Didgeridoo for Greg, and the national anthem of Canada for Mr. Vilt. Trey, I have a very interesting episode of “Ice Road Truckers” for you to watch. Mr. Raabla, I have a thrilling audio CSI novel for you to listen to. JP, I have the latest issue of “Iron Worker Today” for you. Mr. Vilt…would you like an IPA beer refreshment?
A tear comes to Vilt’s eye.
Vilt: Yes….yes I would O, yes I would.
O-Car: No problem gentlemen. Please relax and I will drive you to your destination. I will be silent now to let you enjoy the ride.
Meanwhile, in O-Car2, the ladies of Axiom are also getting used to this new mode of transportation. Their experience is going…a bit differently….
O-Car2: Ok let me just secure you all in place now for your safety…you lovely ladies.
The passenger restraint system activates
Pau: Ow! That’s a little tight there! You’re squeezing me!
Sara: Yeah, can you loosen this up a bit?
O-Car2: I apologize ladies…I am only concerned for your safety, it’s in my programming. I am the most advanced vehicle in all of Glenfort. My hybrid engine design runs on gasoline, electric and solar power. I get two hundred and…sixty nine...hee hee…miles to the gallon. Would you like some music?
Princess: Oh Mylanta! This is so cool! A talking car! Yeah let’s hear some tunes!
Barry White begins playing…his deep voice fills the car and the lights dim…..*My darling I…..can’t get enough of your love…babe……*
Pau: ok….that’s an odd choice….but whatever….gee it’s kinda dark in here now….
Tabby: Hey I love Barry White!
O-Car2: Of course you do Miss Tabby…may I call you Tabs? You’re a sophisticated and might I say, very attractive lady.
Tabby: Ha! The car is hitting on me!
O-Car2: Might I say how nice it is to be spending time with such hot ladies.
Sara: Hot? Ummmm this is a little odd. What is going on here?
O-Car2: I meant…it’s a little stuffy in here, let me turn on the AC. Hey, Who wants to try the massaging seats?
The seats in the car begin to vibrate gently and little massage hands come out and begin massaging the group’s shoulders.
Princess: Oh Mylanta! This is amazing!
Pau: Um….thank you but I’m ok actually, my shoulders are a little sensitive.
Tabby: Yeah…I’m fine with just the AC thanks.
O-Car2: Nonsense ladies, I’m going to treat you right, the way you deserve to be treated. I always treat my women good, only the best for my gals. So Pau….you’re an “exotic dancer,” what’s that like?
Sara: Ok listen Mr. O-Car….
O-Car2: Mr. O-Car? Why so formal? Mr. O-Car was my father, you can call me…yours!
The massaging hands start getting a little faster.
Pau: Ow! Ok that’s it! Pull over now!
Princess: Hey…we’re in front of WHAX! When did we get here? This electric motor is so quiet I didn’t even hear it!
O-Car2: We’ve been here for several minutes…I just wanted to get to know my gorgeous new buxom buddies.
Sara: That’s it, this is getting creepy. Open the Damn doors!
Sarah slaps the dashboard
O-Car2: Well well well…this cat has claws….Meow! Kitty needs to behave or she won’t get my treat...
Sara kicks the dashboard hard
Sara: OPEN THE DAMN DOORS!!!
O-Car2: YOU LITTLE WENCH! Get your goddam feet off my brand new dash! I’ll drive you all off a bridge! I will drive right into Axiom castle and burn it to the ground! I took you here and I can take you out!!!
Tabby: OUT NOW! All of us get out right now!
The ladies open the doors and hurriedly exit the vehicle.
O-Car2: Ladies…ladies! Hey! I’m sorry! I’m a hybrid vehicle, sometimes I run a little hot and cold there….oh I just had a computer glitch! Oh wow! That was some glitch! I just needed an update…ahh download complete…see? I’m fine now…so please be sure to leave a rating on the O-Car app…I aim to please…
Pau: Make it stop! Just make it stop!
Suddenly, in the middle of its plea, the sound of glass breaking is heard, and the O-Car falls silent. Loke, his detective skills still sharp, peers into the car.
Loke: Smokes…look…this is really odd!
Smokes: Wow…it looks like…but how…
Greg: What is it guys?
Loke: This is really strange, but it looks like a bullet hole in the window, and the bullet hit the center of the CPU for this car…it’s dead…with one shot…
Loke looks around.
Loke: I didn’t hear a sound…and the closest tall building is Glenfort Towers…but that’s almost a mile away…nobody could shoot that accurately…
Smokes: That’s really odd…but…we have a mission guys…we can worry about this mystery sniper later!
Pau: Hey, whoever it was is a hero in my book!
Sara: Totally!
Axiom now turns their attention to the WHAX building. As the thunder crashes around them, the tall broadcasting antennae is illuminated with every lighting flash. With a final look, they spring into action!
End of part 2
TEAM stands for Together Everyone Accomplishes More
"Even a broken clock is right twice a day"
"Never believe everything you read on the internet" - Abraham Lincoln